Feb. 4th

WOW I feel like I am sooooo alive today! Funny how pushing yourself actually makes you feel so much better!

I have been working on preparing food for several days & that has soooo helped with my progress lately!

I LOVE this feeling!

Coming to terms with myself

I was sitting here trying to remember what I used to do in the evening.......then it hit me....NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Unless you want to talk about the CRAP food I poisoned my body with every single night while I sat around doing nothing.

I used to think heavy people that were happy were so lucky because they wouldn't get all depressed about people looking at them funny.....NOW...... I actually feel sorry for them because their quality of life is not very good. They can't keep up with their children or grandchildren.

I am & will be forever thankful to Bill Phillips for the knowledge he shared with me & so many others. Tony for helping me create the person I have been hiding for so many years & all the wonderful people that have inspired me along the way....YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Although I know I will have days that I cave in to temptation, I know how to make amends for doing so. I am human. I WILL fall down BUT that does not make me a bad person......it simply makes me HUMAN!

If I really want something I will think about it before I go get it. If after thinking about it I still want it then I will have it but I will not eat something out of impulse!

Why did I wait so long to start living?

Wednesday Jan28

I feel untouchable today! Boy the mind can really be a rollercoaster! 1 day you are fighting to stay on track & the next it all seems second nature!

I will continue to move forward & when I hit a bump or MAJOR pothole in the road I WILL pick myself up & move forward!

I AM WORTH IT!

What will it Take??????

How the hell do you kick it hard core for 2 straight weeks get wonderful results & just fall down?!?!?!? I am sooooo sick of this! I am sick of kicking butt on my workouts & follow the eating 100% then slip! I tell myself all the time this has to stop! I have such a food addiction! I totally understand it is up to me to put the food into my mouth. I have prayed for strength. This is a REAL problem for me. It is NOT me just being weak. I want this more than anything in life. However, its like I go into this robotic mode & destroy everything in my path.


OMG I gotta go to sleep, I am rambling & starting to sound like the people that annoy me!

Wednesday Jan. 21st

Monday I pushed my workout to a whole new level. I was still so weak by last night that I had to go down in my weights a little! I HATE step-up lunges!!!!!!!

I'm having a hard time today because someone at work said I'm actually looking BIGGER! Thank goodness the Divas cleared some things up about that! However, I still hear her voice telling me "You look bigger, more bulky than you used to".....AAAARRRGGGG!!!!! I will continue doing what I've been doing because I know its right!

Tracy.....if you happen to read this......I can never thank you enough for helping me last summer! You put my head in the right direction & although I didn't get the results I wanted it had NOTHING to do with you it had to do with me not believing in myself & giving in to bad foods! You planted the seed in my head & I just started watering it so now it is blooming! THANK YOU....THANK YOU.....THANK YOU!!!

One thing I have noticed though is that following that hard workout on Monday, I have NO desire to eat bad food.....YEA!!!!! I didn't think that would ever happen! Prayers are being answered!

Moday 1/19

I swear everyday I think this is the hardest wo so far. Today, I KNOW its the hardest wo so far! It took me 1 hour 40 minutes to get it done. I burned 760 calories in that time! We still have some of Isaiahs birthday cake here & after that wo I wouldn't even think of a bite of it! I am NOT going to work this hard just so my taste buds can have 30 seconds of satisfaction!

I am on my way.....this is my 2nd week of eating clean & working HARD!

This WILL be my AMAZING year!

Friday 1/16

I have pushed really hard all week. I have been SUPER clean with my foods & pushed my workouts beyond my own belief

I will weigh & measure tomorrow. I sooooo want to see a change!

I have been so hungry the past 2 days. I mean to the point 2 hours after I eat my stomach is SCREAMING at me! Never had that happen before after only 2 hours?!?

I have tons of support from DH but NO support from anyone else. I KNOW there is a whole different person hiding within me & I WILL not stop til I find her!